Looking back at my last entry it appears that those "cool guys" were, most certainly, queer as fook. This realisation bore the greatest msn name ever.

 

"I took a guy man in my shed and asked him if this rod is too thick."

 

The slight problem now is that everyone thinks I'm gay! But I'll sacrafice public perceptions for comedy.

THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER!! FECKING FREAKY. FECKING SICK BUT SO AMAZING!!

 

A house at the top of my hill has gone up for sale, and today must've been a viewing day because there are millions of people up here. Two guys that turned up were coolness personified. They weren't much older than me, had long flowing blonde locks, broad smiles, a car packed with crates of booze and an aura of cheeky coolness. They looked at the house, which is quite a nice house and I bet will be bloody expensive (despite its lack of such facilities as a toilet!!!) and seeming happy with what they'd seen they stood by the car looking over the bridge at the sun drenched canal. One guy swept his fringe back from over his eyes and I half expected him to dive into the canal, land on a jet-ski being driven by a beautiful bikini-clad woman and they'd zoom off into the Sunday morning haze.

 

However, what he actually did was looked down the hill, saw me looking at him while I pretended not to be hanging the washing up (I'm so uncool), waved, and walked down. We started talking a bit about the area, then, he got to the nitty-gritty and said, "Mate, you don't happen to have a wire coat-hanger cos we've locked ourselves out of our car?"

*Laughing on the inside* "Sorry I don't think we have any. I'll have a look in the shed to see if we've got anything else that might open it."

"Cheers matey. I've used a coat-hanger loads before, so I know that works, but I'm sure other stuff works just as well."

*OMG, there's a car-jacker in my garden and he's asking me to help him. THIS IS SO COOL! Right, where's the scouser (my Dad), he'll know how to break into a car.*

But The Scouser was in fact up Tegg's Nose and was unable to add any of his know-how. In the end I found a pair of needles that I thought might work and dashed up to give them to my Don. But when I got there, my heart sank. They had sought help from another household and they had provided him with the coat-hanger they so desired. Feeling inadequate I walked back with my needles, looking and feeling incredibly uncool.

 

James Dean wouldn't have this sought of coolness complex. *sigh*

Oche. I'm not geeky enough to get the dancing badger emote on here.

But. the badger reference is, for once, a relevant one. It seems that I've become almost completely nocturnal, and this change in my sleeping pattern seems to have happened over night as it were.

Well, over two nights to be completely accurate. Monday night *checks it was Monday* "why the feck am I  counting on my fingers?" Yes, Monday night, I stayed up 'til abour four o'clock watching silly things on TV which had been recommended to me by a very nice friend who obviously (and blissfully) has very different tastes to me.

And last night I stayed up 'til about half two watching TV. I actually endured the entirity of the Maria Carey video for a song which I've gleefully forgotten. But, I don't think I've cringed as much in my entire life as I did in that four minutes. She tried doing a puppy dog face and fluttered her eyelashes, and I litterally shuddered with revultion. Then she got naked in a swimming pool. Which  was a slight improvement. Mainly because she was covering her breasts now she's actually naked, when she's got clothes on it seems like she has to put them on view. Logical no?

Then, I watched this thing on E4 called Beauty and the Geek. Initially I thought it was more cringeworthy than "The big MC" LMAO. But the beautiful women weren't as premadonnaish as I thought they would be. I guess that's really bad of me to prejudge them like that, but I didn't think it would be a TV programme without vicious stereotyping. But it was actually quite sweet, in a geeky sort of way.

After watching this, I went to bed, but wasn't slightly tired, being nocturnal and all. So, I did the logical thing and tried to tire myself out by doing press-ups. But I just got more energetic, and I got bored of the machoness very quickly. So I sat in my bed, doing my English coursework until about five o'clock.

Ooo, when I was researching something for my essay I found out that the number pi has it's own appreciation day, which is logically on March the 14th. (3.14) And amazingly, well, I found it amazing, but then I was in bed with my laptop at the time, this is also Albert Einstein's Birthday.

Ooo. Something else which is relevant to this entry. Possibly the best thing I've ever said: "I guess beauty is only interesting to beautiful people." 

I'm such a geek, but a sweet geek.

WHAT FRICKING CRAZY WEATHER!!!

 

It was beautifully sunny this morning, so sunny in fact that I decided to go for a walk. I was half way through texting someone to see if they wanted to go avec moi, when it started snowing. So the message read. "Hey babe. If u open your curtains u'l c its really sunny. Wanna come for a walk? SHIT SNOW! When the faff did that start?!"

 

Then, just as I was about to send this slightly bizzare message, the snow stopped and it was sunny again. So I added to the message. "Oo. Sunshine again =D Crazy weather!"

 

Then, IT STARTED SNOWING AGAIN!!

 

So I gave up on the walk plan and made some bacon butties!

 

And why am I listening to Kanye West?

 

On a slightly more important note: I've decided I'm going to Leeds Uni. Aberystwyth, the other serious candidate got ruled out after I visited on Saturday.

 

And on an even more important note: I've just signed Gattuso for Barcelona! Exxxxxxxxxxxcellent! Everything's falling into place...

I'm getting seriously fucked off with love songs clogging up the airwaves. Bloody Valentine's Day. I'm not quite sure if that's a pun or not.

 

Quite a lot's happened in the last few days. Fisher made us flapjack in our chemistry coursework lesson. It reminded me of when Homer made the caramel waffle and wrapped it around a bar of butter. It really was that fatty. 

 

On a more hilarious note, Ball got wrapped from head to toe in clingfilmed on his eighteenth! LMAO! 

 

I returned from injury to put in a generally uninspiring performance against the Year 12 Rent Boys. I did manage to get myself knocked out though. For anyone who didn't see it, me and Styles sprinted head on into eachother and I got headbutted in the eye. And I don't lose any of my macho pride in telling you that it fooking hurt! I wasn't really knocked out, that was just to make it sound more dramatic, I just blacked out for a few seconds, but it was still a horribly odd feeling. At least I haven't got a black eye though. I also managed to remove all the skin from my elbow sliding across the astroturf. I really shouldn't be so reckless. But the severe blood loss was worth it as the Year 13 Rent Boys provailed for the fourth week in a row, hopefully due to the heavy drinking we partook in before hand!

 

On another footballing note, Football Manager arrived yesterday. I can't say I'm overly thrilled by it to be honest. I guess it takes a while to get used to. I ate a whole tub of icecream this afternoon. And no, I'm not a depressed woman. I was just hungry. Speaking of which... CRUMPETS!!

 

Adios

Now that's enough.

 

Maximo Park rock!

 

Anyhoo, hi y'all. I'm still happy. Today was so wierd. The most unnerving things was probably that Sarah H seemed infinately happier than Hanski, the self-proclaimed "happiest person in the world."

 

Hehehe. Have you looked at the "31 ways to use your blog?" I thought most of them sounded pretty lame (I hate that word) but then I realised that I do most of those 31 things.

 

So, in order.

 

 

Today, nothing at all interesting happened. I played football. I had Chinese for tea and watched neighbours. Poor Scott and Dylon.

 

 

"Flake the mooey." I actually think that was yesterday but hey.

 

 

Blinders gave me an A for my biology homework! That makes a serious change. Go committed-to-the-subject Andy!

 

 

I scored too many!! I particularly enjoyed smashing that chav keeper in the face though!

 

 

I haven't done anything adventurous recently. But Strudey did walk through a field with a horsebull in it.

 

 

My friends rule. Especially you.

 

 

The Edgerton Arms' chef can't cook a medium steak. It should not be grey ffs.

 

 

It never happened!

 

 

I'm not a monkey ffs.

 

 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOO

 

 

Find something you're better at than everyone else.

 

 

I guess that would be cricket. But it's winter, and I'm too lazy to go to indoor training.

 

 

Has marijuana been reclassified yet?

 

 

Now that I do a lot. The last movie I saw was Fun with Dick and Jane. I thought it was good fun but I didn't like the fact that it was entirely about money. And I loved how me and Strudey were the only people in the cinema who got the Enron joke at the end!

 

 

Maria Carey is not fat. I retreact that statement completely. She does have a really annoying voice though. Like she's singing with a funnel shoved up her nose.

 

 

I read something in the paper about male anaerexia and I got quite scared actually because a lot of the things in the artice were true of me. I say scared, I mean I took some note. I thought it was all about wanting to be thin, but it's not. It's just about wanting to change your natural body shape, either by losing or gaining weight, which is what I've been desperately trying to do. But I'm not anaerexic. I'm just thin. So my diet/exercise plan is to eat more shitty food and do less exercise.

 

 

It takes one of me to change two light bulbs.

 

 

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemmingway is really good. It's about an old man who catches a fish. And that's it. But it's really well writen. And if you do read it, I suggest you read it in the bath. I was prrrrrrrrrunish after finishing it.

 

 

Well, I had a dream a few days ago. It was Sarah H's birthday, and she wanted to go to the cinema. So we set off in her car, with Alex driving Catherine in the car behind us. I remember me putting on a Madonna CD in Sarah's car, and then I was in the back of Strudey's car. He got really angry with me because he wanted to be alone with Catherine. So I got out of the car and he drove off. And that's pretty much it.

 

 

How about that saga. I need a saga. Here's the saga. It's called Songs for the Deaf. You can't even hear it.

 

 

Have you ever wanted to ride a fat man?

 

 

"God this is getting tedious." Nothing funny has happened recenty. If you want an amusing tale then I suggest you read my dog story.

 

 

But that would spoil the suprise.

 

 

I have no pet. I did adopt a frog for a while. I think Kirsty named him Ferdinand. But I released him back into the wild (chucked him over my garden wall into the canal)!

 

 

Guys, whatever you do, DO NOT tell her you love her.

 

 

*Really regretting setting out on this crusade now*

 

Hopefully Strudey will write me the next chapter in the Story of Jesus Finn.

 

 

I suggest buying into blood banks.

 

 

Are you kidding. I'm a boy ffs.

 

 

This one will get me through uni.

Butter/margarine + flour + milk = white sauce.

Add a tin of baked beens.

Flake in a tin of tuna.

Heat up and serve with pasta.

 

 

I have no camera. That reminds me. I need to do my photo for my provisional.

 

 

I'd rather be mysterious and let you find out about me for yourselves.

 

That was more arduous than I'd expected. Hope you bothered reading to the end (not that you would've missed anything if you had). Now I'm off to wrestle werewolves in a caravan park in Abergavenny.

Wahoo. Seven comments yesterday!

 

And three of them were from Leeus!

 

Screw coursework.

 

Watch this.

 

 

Anyway, here, is my day. "It's called songs, for the deaf."

 

Yay. I'm still happy. Had quite a random day. To start with I overslept really badly. Then for some reason I decided to spend half an hour in the shower when I was already late. Then, God I'm stupid, rather than running to catch a bus, I decided to made myself some bacon butties and watched Futurama. As it turned out Scarratt wasn't even in so I didn't miss anything. Clearly showing that good things come to those who are generally slobbish!

 

Other stuff happened in school. Copley throwing E-coli on me was one of the more memorable. At least he didn't try to make up for it by throwing bleach on me in an attempt to kill the microbes! I may just have defenestrated him, to use a Catherine "I have nothing to declare but my genius" Rimmer word.

 

After staying a while in the library, I ventured out into the wide world of Macclesfield. The most dangerous bit was getting out of the school gates. Two groups of shites were throwing stones at eachother and they didn't call a ceasefire while I walked across. With my jedi reflexes I successfully avoided any stones that came into my vicinity and I managed to leave unharmed.

 

This is quite a dull story-telling blog but I think I'll continue. After consuming two beautiful turkey salad sandwiches, I went to the gym to do whatever people do in there. And what some people do in there! This guy came in wearing a black shirt, black trousers, black socks, and, bright white trainers. He thought he was so cool as well sweating his ass off on the rowing machine. Lucky he didn't get his tie stuck in the chain. What an utter baffooooon! And there was this one woman who was definately the smallest woman I've ever seen. She looked about 126. She was about four foot tall; she was wearing a lime green t-shirt with big shoulder pads, and I swear she was thinner front on that I am side on. And I don't think anyone could ever call me fat. And why is it that the instructors only ever instruct attractive young women? Oh yeah, right. They have breasts! What wazzocks! Hehe. Love that word. "Ollie you wazzock!" Hehehe. It just sounds so good.

 

And that's been my day pretty much. Now chemistry coursework. Oh crap, that's gonna be fun.

 

Adios amigos