Once upon a time there was a boy; a small boy with whispy hair and squinty eyes. This boy had a name, and his name happened to be Geoffrey. Geoffrey liked swimming. He liked to swim so much that his father paid to have a swimming pool built in the middle of their garden so he could swim whenever he liked. Every moning before school Geoffrey would run down to the pool and jump into the middle making the biggest splash he could. The water would be so cold, but he would jump straight in without a second thought. Geoffrey would swim for ten minutes, before he got out and trapsed his dripping path back to his house where his mother would be waiting with a warm towel to envelop him with as soon as he walked through the door. Geoffrey went to a private school where he got to wear a large straw hat. Some people called this a boat, but Geoffrey didn't understand why. He didn't think it looked like a boat. He thought it looked more like a hat than anything else. But he never corrected anyone when they called it a boat. Geoffrey liked his school. He liked his classmates. He liked doing his homework. He liked eating the sandwiches his mother made for him under the large helicopter tree outside his classroom. Geoffrey liked helicopters. He liked the way they spun in the air.

 

At the age of 29 Geoffrey sexually assaulted three young boys. He was arrested and diagnosed as insane. Geoffrey now live in Cherry Grove hospital. He gets to swim all he likes. And he can spin like a helicopter all the time, strapped to his bed in the dark.

Hey party people!

 

This week has been fantastic. Surreal, but nice! "I love that movie a worrying amout." The highlight was undoubtedly the day out to Rudyard Lake with Chola and Strudey. "Rudyard Kipling: doesn't he make cakes?" Hehe, I actually used to think exactly the same thing, so I can't have too big a chuckle. And we went on the little steam train, which I remember being A LOT bigger! But it was a really fun day out. As soon as I can drive...

 

While I'm on the subject of driving, I went around some stupid roundabouts yesterday! It was so much more difficult than I thought it would be. There are so many things to think about. I was on a downslope as well so I had to "control my initial speed with my brake" and I muffed up the steering totally when I turned my indicators on. I spewed off to the left almost onto the pavement. Stupid roundabouts. And Penny's making me do three point turns next lesson, which sounds a bit scary as well. I've haven't been in reverse yet. And oh yeah, when I'd pulled up so Penny could talk to me, a CRAZY dog flopped out in front of the car and WOULD NOT move. I think it may actually have been dying :( but it was being very inconsiderate if blocking me was to be its last action.

 

My parents have been in the Lake District for three days, so I've had the house to myself. I have of course done the mandatory performance of Baby Got Back in my boxer shorts! I kinda wish I'd recorded it. It could have earned me loads of money and got me into the next Big Brother. Then again... Also, since I've been on my own, I have not stopped eating. I seriously think I've put on about half a stone this week, which is undoubtedly a good thing. I've also watched my entire DVD collection, including Interview With The Vampire with "Isn't this a 12?"- Strudey. And this is where I really embarrass him! However fantastic he is, he seems to have real problems opening things, such as sandwich packets; and microwaves; and my front door; and my front gate! Bless him.

 

But my Mum and Dad are coming back soon so I must tidy up, and do all the things they asked me to do days ago!

 

Muchas love to you all!

 

HOW HOT IS KRISTIN KREUK!?!

 

This blogging lark is becoming much more frequent. I'm training my brain to work again after two months of doing absolutely nothing! You can tell with the crap that I've been writing lately. If you read some of my older blogs you'll see that I can actually write properly :p I need a god damn job! I'm that desperate I've applied to do volunteer work with the rangers in Macclesfied Forest, which should actually be quite fun and will look extremely good on my CV, but there's still the problem of my serious lack of legal tender. My mum suggested that I worked at Sainsbury's to get her 20% off her shopping. Though this appeared to be quite a selfish proposal on her part, she sweetened the deal by saying that if I got her that discount then I wouldn't have to pay board, which sounds quite a good deal. But I'd still rather look for something more inspirational than being a checkout guy.

 

Yesterday was a seriously cool, considering I went out on a 60's style day trip to Llandudno for my Mum's Birthday. As soon as I can drive I'm taking people for a day out at the seaside! It should should be getting sunny again by then as well! We might even be able to go in the sea :D but the water did look disturbingly brown yesterday :s so it may not be advisable. But that would be a good little day out, I'll suggest my proposal to a member of the commitee! Useless fools they were :p

 

But yesterday's greatest revelation came when Kirsty phoned me when I was about to go into a mine, with a bright orange crash hat on, looking like a member of the village people! Basically, it turns out that she had no accomodation at Chester so she had decided not to go this year. So she's joined the mass of people taking a gap year, which in my opinion is definately the right way to go! But the upshot of this is that virtually all my friends are staying in Macc this year which is fantastic :D there is the slight problem everyone seems to be flatly refusing to see me lately :( which is only mildly depressing. I really don't get women :p How can you get on with someone so well one day and then refuse to go out again? :s And it's not like I'm trying to 'go out' with them either. They're my best friends and have been for years, and it's kind of upsetting that they don't seem to be making any attempts to stay in touch :'(

 

And on that cheery note, my tea's ready. Mmmm fish pie :D

 

I love you all; you're beautiful! x x

 

 

Just experimenting with something here.

Hmmm, was Lee threatening to kill me in his comment?

 

Creepy guy.

 

Anyway, I'm going to the seaside tomorrow :D which is mildly exciting. It's gonna piss down all day, but it'll be fun in its own little way. I want to invite people but I'm guessing it would be extremely rude to invite friends to your Mum's Birthday outing. So if you're free tomorrow... :p

 

What elese has happened? Well, my cousins came round. And my little cousin is depressingly bigger than me :( and my big cousin is considerably bigger than me! No wonder his mates call him 'Steroids!' And he has cool hair, like mine only straighter. Grr on him; well actually grr on my frizzy locks!

 

I have a strange craving for mint choc-chip icecream :s

 

Hehe, my Dad was hilarious this afternoon. He was watching Star Wars epsiode something. The one with the "No Luke, I am your father." line. And he was doing every sound effect. "Bvvvvvvvvmmm" "Peow peow peoow" etc. And disturbingly he did a perfect impression of Chewbacca, or however the hell you spell that.

 

And now I'm off to watch Corpse Bride.

 

Fair fortune be yours x

 

I feel a blog is called for. Only I can't actually remember much that's happened lately.

 

 

 

 

Well hello there. Firstly, having a "Band of the second" feature is quite demanding. I hope you appreciate the quality linkages I'm providing! This time I'm featuring The Killers and iForward Russia! who i heard live on VH2 or something and they were incredible. So listen fools!

 

Strudey and others are at Summer Sundae this weekend. If there's anyone left on the planet who hasn't heard his story, he'll probably want to put it on his own blog, so I wont steal his future material! All I'll say is that it involves cookies! And, on a similar note, Strudey phoned me during what I pressume was 500 miles by The Proclaimers, but all I heard was a loud hummm. Hehe. That song will always bring back hilarious memories! "Just imagine sticking your tongue in a fermentation tank!" LMAO!

 

I now have a definate plan for my year out which reads (in no particular order)

And this week has been quite progressive on all those fronts (except for my hair which I suppose has grown as much this week as during any other week). After being rejected/ignored by interesting companies I've decided to set my sights a little lower and get a regular shop job, so I've applied for a job in Smiths. Maybe I'll work with Rimmsy for a bit! That would be a larf! It also means I could volunteer around that with Groundwork or The National Trust which would dramatically improve my CV. I've also found myself a driving instructor, but it'll be a while until I can have my first lesson because of stupid tings like results day and playing cricket against an Indian under 19 team (who will be scarily good). And, I found a really cool organisation in the back of a UCAS magazine which runs expeditions to cool places. So I'm applying to go on a global warming research expedition to Greenland next summer. Which would be unbelievably exciting! Unfortunately I think I'm supposed to have experience of camping and stuff but hopefully if I get an interview I'll blow them away with my witt and resourcefulness!

 

So that's pretty much it.

 

Fix up look sharp!

 

Mofo!

 

Now you must be a boy with balls like that.

 

I say you got me wrong!

 

Hehe. Why do transexuals always make me think of Kirsty? Hehe. In a good way of course

 

Erm, what have I been doing then? Well I've been listening to Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis on a loop for about a week now! I've booked my first driving lesson. Well, actually I didn't. I phoned the woman but she was going out so she said she'd phone me back later. That must be a good thing for my driving instructor to be going out on the lash on a Tuesday!

 

My gosh, I have nothing to say

 

Firstly; what the feck has happened to my space!? It looks mildly funky; and I don't like it!

 

Secondly; I spent the whole of last week painting my Gran's bathroom. She stubornly stuck to her choice to have me paint it green (to go with her bright orange bathroom suit) so I had little choice but to paint it anyway, knowing how horrible it would look. And guess what, when I'd finished she decided that I'd been right all along and that green did in fact clash with orange. So I had to do it all again in white. Stupid lady. But I got some money and fish and chips out of it :p.

 

In slightly more exciting news (for me anyway) I scored my first ever hundred yesterday. I might even be in the Macc Express so the reporter who normally watches the first team came to the wrong ground, so he got to watch my immaculate 109

 

Slightly worse news (for me anyway) is that it looks like I'm going to have to work in Tescos or something next year  because all the stupid companies I sent my CV to are too pompous and generally ignorant to see the true brilliance I could offer them

 

Hehe, this has been an exceedingly arrogant blog, and I like it!

 

Stay out of trouble you crazy kids

How amazing is The Killer's new song!?

 

And how good are The View!?

 

And WHAT THE FUCK has happened to Nelly Futardo!!!?

 

Right, obeying Strudey's I'm making an impromptu blog. Hehe. I sound like Galley! Reet, well, last week saw much bumming about in West Park, which is always a larf. But alas my bendy park buddy is leaving me for a week while she swans off to France :'( Hehe. "Swanning off to Redesmere" That worked VERY well. In other news, Strudey got some wet flubber and a watering can :D and Jenny goes on holiday WAY too much :(

 

Slightly more importantly, I've begun job hunting for next year, which is actually quite fun. I even went out to Tegg's Nose this afternoon to talk to people at an environmental awareness thing to see if they could find me a job. So I have lots of phone numbers to ring. Normally, everything goes incredibly well until "Qualifications required" *BOLLOCKS* Ah well. I can laze around for a while longer I guess. And speaking of phone calls, I really need to phone driving instructor lady.

 

And I think I've broken my mum's heat lamp thing. I was using it on my poorly side and I managed to knock it off the table and it hasn't worked sinse. Whoopsies. But that lamp is the most bizare thing. It gives off an incredibly bright red light, and using it in the middle of the night with my curtains open turned out not to be a great idea, as swarms drunken Irishmen came to visit Macclesfield's notorious red light district! Hehe. I may have been in trouble if I didn't live on a cobbled hill, which drunken folk "cannae be feckin' arsed" climbling up! And on a similar note, some stupid chav dragged a wheelie bin up our hill one night and it seriously felt like there was an earthquake or something. And a crazy old man in the flats opposite me came out and presumably threatened to "pop a cap in his ass." MOFO!

 

Night night x

Summer is here, as the sunburn on my arms confirms. AND IT'S ABOUT BLOODY TIME! I'm sick of shitty horrible rainy crappy cold weather. It's the kind of weather that makes me want to spontaneoulsly buy a barbeque and blast out some old school hip-hop into the wilderness that is indie rock. But Strudey would disown me; so I won't.

 

Quite a lot has happened recently. A few days ago my mum asked me to dig up a plant from our back garden and move it to the front garden. The trouble was that the plant had grown so big for the border that it was it, it had managed to somehow root itself into the wall. After many minutes of levering and yanking on the plant it was almost free. Just one major root remained. One great final tug on the plant saw it fly out of the soil and I, like in cartoons, flew backwards and landed on my arse. However, this is not the funniest moment. I managed to sit up just in time to see the wall collapse and a landslide of soil and bedding plants swept the garden.

 

But that wasn't the end of the drama of the moving plant. More excitement accompanied my digging a hole for it in the front garden. As I was shovelling I hit something very hard in the soil. Intregued, I dug deeper, hoping to find treasure. What I actually found was what appeared to be a cardboard box. I was shocked by how hard it had gone. I don't know how that happened, but it must have been there for a bloody long time. You could still make out writing though on the top of the box. I lifted what I presumed to be the top of the box off and found...

 

What ho? A foe. Hehe. Right. I'm ill. Damn you Donald! I was so fucked walking home that I walked into a lamp-post. I saw it and everything, I just couldn't make my legs change direction. Stupid illness. There were only six of us in English today, but Skarratt still made us do a practice question. Damn her lazy anaerexic arse! She'll never mark it either. She'll make us peer mark it. Like that's gonna work if only six of us have done it. Stupid lazy bint!

 

Right, biology to do. I will write a decent entry soon. Promise. Don't lose hope.

YAY! I've had a song written about me!

 

If you thought I might be offended by it: I'm not at all! I think it's fucking hilarious. And Galley has a fucking awesome voice. I've been listening to it on a loop for about an hour now.

 

Well, I have nothing else to say.

 

Night night

Hehehe. I've just read an article on the internet saying that all the characters in Rebel Without a Cause were actually monkeys. It didn't make much sense but everyone likes monkeys! I've actually been revising! Whoop whoop! Action potentials I piss on you! And I've been particularly arty this afternoon. My severe lack of legal tender has unfortuantely come at a time when I have so many things I need to buy, namely Birthday presents. So I have decided to be more personal (tight-fisted) and make people's presents this month; hense the artiness. And, I NEED the new Chilis album. Crappy poverty! I need a job. But I refuse to get one! I phoned a lady at Astra Zeneca yesterday and she told me all the work placements had been filled in February, WHICH SUCKS! Abrupt ending.

Today's been pretty crappy. As in fact have the last few todays. The most crappy part was probably a fat kid jumping on my ankle playing football. That was seriously crappy. Now I have a big bandage around my ankle protecting the "soft cartelige and ligament damage" and concealing the massive purple thing that is my foot. Perhaps it was karma getting me back for skiving general studies. But it means I can't play cricket for at least two weeks. Which is crappy. But on the plus side; I don't have to play cricket for at least two weeks. But everything since then has also been crappy. I spacked out seriously in the kitchen before. I was getting myself some milk and cookies, and for whatever reason, I poured a two litre bottle of milk straight into the biscuit tin. Then I put my empty glass into the fridge instead of the milk bottle, walked into living room, sat down, turned on the TV and settled down to watch Countdown before realising that something wasn't quite right. Stupid arsehole child. Then I poured a jar of jam onto my pasta instead of a tomato pasta source. I've just generally had enough. And I think everyone is of the same mind-set. I can't think of nearly as many reasons to miss Henbury as Galley. I guess that means he's had a better time than me. The things I know I will miss are the very things which I'm desperate to get away from. It's like I've got some kind of addiction I just wish I could give up. But maybe giving up is worse. I don't really see why people are told to "never give up." It just makes things needlessly harder and infinitely more painful. Maybe trepheny would help. I just want to leave this place. I just want to lose you...

 

Bye...

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